Chuck Norris One Liners ...

Chuck Norris' facial hair is known to cut diamonds.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Once upon a time there was a magical kingdom. Then Chuck Norris came, and it wasnt so magical.

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

Chuck Norris never misspells a word. If he does, he simply changes the spelling.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

When Chuck Norris speaks, everyone listens... and dies

Chuck Norris created the Giraffe, when he uppercutted a Horse!

Chuck Norris played unreal tournament and made it real.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity......twice

mahumad ali got it wrong its "float like a butterfly,sting like a chuck norris"

Chuck Norris was born in a small, wooden cabinet that he built himself.

Great hunters can kill 3 birds with 1 stone Chuck norris killed 3 stones with 1 bird

-Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
-Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
-Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

chuck norris died 20 years ago. he went to heaven, and it exploded from him awesomeness. he then went to hell, and the devil was so scared, he threw him back to earth and told him to stay there.

- Death had a "near Chuck Norris experience"
- Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.
- The earth spins faster when Chuck Norris goes for a run.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why aliens don't invade earth.
- Chuck Norris has a life expectancy of 1,000 yrs
- Everyone is wrong, Chuck Norris is right!!
- Chuck Norris kills flies by spitting at them.
- An average person may have to live "7 life times" to even come close to Chuck Norris wisdom.
- Heaven and Hell always make sure they don't see Chuck Norris!!!
- Chuck Norris sank the Titanic
- Chuck Norris went to prison once - ALL the prisoners died of shock to see him again!!!
- Luke Sky Walker - Chuck Norris is your REAL father!!!
- Chuck Norris never appears on 3D movies, Its for everyones own safety!!!
- Chuck Norris went to the virgin islands - its now called 'the islands'

chuck norris can speak braille

although it's not commonly known there are three sides to the force. the light side, the dark side, and chuck norris

some kids can piss their names in the snow, chuck norris can piss his name in concrete.

chuck norris' penis is so big that it has a penis of it's own and it's still bigger than yours

chuck norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky

chuck norris made ellen degeneres straight

Chuck Norris lost his virginity Before his father.

When Chuck Norris was 10 he made a stink bomb. It was later dropped on Japan

chuck norris thinks bleedings for pussies ... period

- Chuck Norris can slam a revoving door.
- Chuck Norris know where Carmen Sandiego is.
- It's said that chuck norris has a third arm inside his beard.
- Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
- Chuck Norris doesn't get cut, cuts get chuck norrised.
- Chuck Norris knows where Waldo is.
- There's no such thing as Evolution, just descendants of Chuck Norris.

Chuck norris doesn't teabag the ladies, he potato sacks them.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

The Boogy-man checks his closet every morning for Chuck Norris.

One time, Chuck Norris lost his temper on the set of Walker, Texas Ranger. They called it Walker, Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

franklin d roosevelt said "we have nothing to fear but fear itself. and chuck norris

when chuck norris swims he doesnt get wet , the water gets chuck norris-fied

Chuck norris is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like chuck norris

That wasn't hurricane Katrina you saw on tv that was Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't take showers, he takes blood baths.

chuck norris doesn't cut his grass. he stares at it and dares it to grow

next time someone makes a joke, they will be roundhouse kicked in the face and will be stone dead in 0.00001 seconds

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light, not because he's afraid of the dark, it's because the dark's afraid of Chuck Noris.

homeless people give money to chuck norris

Walker, Texas Ranger didnt stop airing, chuck norris killed him

chuck norris doesn't travel at the speed of light. light travels at the speed of chuck norris.

Chuck Norris is the reason waldo is hiding